you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like
"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"
how do you know hell has wifi
satan owes me several favors
what’s with these people telling me I’m “full of myself”?? of course I’m full of myself what else is my body supposed to be full of
what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”
Isn’t this an episode of friends
why does this cassowary remind me so much of tony abbott?????